Numbed
by karenvde
Summary: Matt lives his life like he has all these years, until he can't. Matt finds his senses numbed and is forced to learn how to be regularly blind.
1. Chapter 1

It was a long night. Matt had taken down a couple of small criminals. First he took down a burglar, who was walking around in an innocent child's bedroom. He was lucky to notice this one. He had been sitting on the couch all evening, bored and tired, yet quite alert. He was focusing his hearing on one house, then the next and the next and so on. At first it felt like he was violating these people's privacy but after noticing the girl's heart going way faster than it should, he heard another heartbeat getting closer to the bedroom door.

It took Matt about half a minute to get into his black suit and sprint up the stairs and onto his roof. The man was at the bottom of the stairs and the little girl must have heard the unfamiliar footsteps because she was quietly getting up to hide inside her closet.

Once Matt had reached her house, he broke a window, sprinted through the rooms of the house and found the stranger on top of the stairs, looking through the girl's room for anything that might be valuable.

Matt tackled the burglar, which wasn't difficult considering this man had no defensive skills whatsoever. Matt yelled for the girl to find a phone and call the police while he knocked out the burglar and tied him to a chair.

Once this was handled, about three other petty crime committers were captured with the help of Daredevil.

It was nearly 3 AM when he reached home and cleaned up the small wounds this night had cost him and landed himself into his bed.

The next morning, he woke without any trouble. He felt the tiny cuts and bruises he gained from the night before, but it felt like heaven compared to the damage that had been done on any other evening.

He walked to work without a cloud in sight and gratefully opened the door to the office, finding Foggy and Karen sipping coffee by Karen's desk.

"Hey, buddy!" Foggy said.

"Hi, Foggy," Matt said, placing his cane in the corner of the room and slowly making his way to the direction Foggy's voice had come from. He slightly spread his arms, indicating that he wanted a hug.

Foggy placed his mug on Karen's desk and hugged him. "It's a good day today?"

Matt smiled. "I think so, buddy."

This made Foggy smile as well. Matt could hear it in his voice when Foggy asked him if he wanted some coffee.

Hours passed as the day at the office went by slowly. They had no clients but there was loads of paperwork to go through.

Then it happened.

Matt had a more difficult time reading his braille reader connected to his laptop. The noise of Karen and Foggy's heartbeats disappeared and he could no longer feel their presence in the offices next to his. He took a sip of his glass of water, thinking he just needs to wake up. It was a late night, after all. But it made no difference. The water tasted more boring than ever.

"Karen?" He asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice. He could hear her heels on the floor of their office. Dulled, but the sound was there.

"Yes?" She asked with a worried look on her face.

"Could- could you maybe bring me some more… uhm… coffee?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be right back." And he could hear her heels again, walking into the direction of the little kitchen.

She returned with a cup of coffee and Matt thanked her, nodding in the direction he thinks where Karen was at the moment. He wasn't sure. When he took a sip, he was almost willing to spit it out again immediately. It wasn't coffee he was used to. It was boring and plain and he couldn't believe what was happening.

He continued reading the papers, with difficulty, not wanting to draw attention.

At the end of the workday, he waited as Karen went home and he called for Foggy because he wasn't sure he would get home like this.


	2. Chapter 2

"Foggy?" Matt called out.

"What's up, buddy?" Foggy responded, not quite what Matt was hoping for.

Matt slowly gets up, disoriented by the lack of sound, taste, smell, currents in the air. Disoriented by the lack of everything.

He slowly gets himself to take a step, unsure of when he should expect a wall to hit him in the face.

Foggy looks up at Matt as he is making his way through the office. It's almost as if Matt has no idea where he is and where he should go.

Foggy rushes to his feet and grabs Matt, supporting him with one arm behind his back and the other on his torso, as if he is afraid that Matt will faint any moment.

Matt wasn't expecting the sudden touch. He concentrated so hard on walking over to Foggy's office that he didn't notice his footsteps coming towards him. He tried not to flinch at the touch of Foggy's hand on his chest. At this moment, he felt blinder than he ever has.

"Matt, what the hell is going on?"

"I- I'm not sure," Matt felt uneasy as he had only Foggy to hold on to.

"Let's get you a chair, alright?"

Foggy slowly let go of him and rushed to his desk to get him a chair. In those few seconds, Matt was standing there, feeling more alone than he has in years and with no idea which way is which. He was completely lost.

Once he sat down, he started talking.

"Foggy, there's something wrong,"

"No shiz, Matt. You can't even walk through the office. You know this place, why do you look so lost?"

It was true. Matt knew this place like he knew his own apartment, like he knew Foggy's place, like he knew their dorm room in college. He should be able to navigate through these rooms without bumping into anything, super-senses or no super-senses.

Now Matt had to think of something. He couldn't tell Foggy about his senses; it would break him to find out that Matt had been lying this whole time. He couldn't just play tired or dizzy. If this held on for longer, he needed someone to guide him every day until he re-invented his mental map of the city. Tired or dizzy wouldn't cover a couple of days.

Matt wanted to tell him. He had for a long time. When they were in college, he almost told him. Foggy jumped in before he could, calling his senses "delicate". Well, he wasn't wrong.

"Do you- uhm, do you know how blind people tend to hear and smell and taste more than seeing people?" Matt asked, nervous for his response.

"I thought that was a myth," Foggy quickly let out.

Shit. Right, he had told him that that was a myth.

"Yea, do you remember in college when you asked me if I get the spins?" Good call, Matt thought to himself. I can work with this.

"Oh, yes, I remember that. You said it was worse for you because your senses are so delicate, right?" Foggy seemed convinced.

"Exactly. Uhm, I need to- I'd like to go home. Could you- could you help me get home?"

"I can get a cab for you, if you'd like."

Matt was getting nauseous at the thought of stepping into a cab. "No, no, no… I don't- I think it might get worse if I get in a cab right now. I can't feel where we're going and how fast, I need to walk. Will you walk with me?"

"Sure, buddy. Anything for you. I'll get our stuff and we can get going, alright?"


	3. Chapter 3

The second they stepped out of the front door of the office and into the hallway, Matt tightened his grip on Foggy. He was so lost. He knew where to go but not exactly when he'd run into the wall on the far end of the hallway. He was determined to start counting his steps to improve his mental map of the way from his office to his home.

"Matt?"

"Uh, yeah-" Matt loosened his grip on Foggy's arm as he realized his fingers had gone numb around his elbow.

"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well and I don't know-"

He was going to say that he doesn't know where to go, but that would be strange. Luckily, Foggy had him. He cared for him. Foggy patted Matt's hand that was now loosely resting on the crook of his elbow.

"It's okay, buddy. Let's get you home." Foggy said, and they started walking.

 _One, two, three, four-_

They stopped. Door opens to the inside. And they continued their stroll.

They walked into the right direction, where Matt thought they should be going. Matt was too pre-occupied with counting that he had lost track of which block they were at now. They took a left. Matt thought they still had two more blocks to go, but they took a left. Foggy must know where they're going, so he didn't say anything. Matt continued counting, although useless now that he had lost track of which block they were at.

"We're here, Matt." Foggy said, opening the door to the building. Matt thought it smelled different, but everything smelled different now, without the help of his heightened senses.

Matt started walking to where he thought the couch was and ended up bumping his chimney into a table that was slightly higher than his own.

"What?! Where- Why- Foggy?" Matt sounded desperate, not yet realizing where they had ended up.

"Oh, Matt! Are you okay?!" Foggy asked, rushing towards Matt from the place where Matt had abandoned him, where Foggy was taking off his coat.

"Yeah, I- I bumped into a table? Where-"

Foggy grabbed Matt's arm before he could finish his sentence, leading him to the couch.

"Matt, we're at my house. You looked really pale and it seemed like you were about to pass out, so I thought I'd bring you to my house since it was closer."

 **A/N: So sorry for the late update, and a short one at that. Will update again sometime this upcoming weekend, possibly with a longer chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

Matt had passed out on the couch, which was easier than he thought it would be. The lack of noises around him had made everything feel numb. Foggy's familiar smell lingered until he was too tired to notice it. He always noticed a smell, even in his dreams the smells would play a part. But everything was different now. He had not stopped noticing anything since the accident. Everything was always there.

Matt was a light sleeper, probably because of the strong presence of his surroundings. Whenever something moved, he knew. He would either choose to get up and stay awake or he would try to fall back asleep, which was harder for him than for others.

Matt woke up to a familiar sound that he just couldn't identify. He checked his watch. It was about 1PM. He had no idea for how long he had slept, since he had no idea what time he had actually fallen asleep.

It takes him a while to balance himself on the couch as he's sitting up. He feels for his glasses, but they're not there. Did he take them off last night? He doesn't remember.

He feels a blanket covering his legs. It's a cotton blanket. The fabric usually bothered him because of his sensitive skin, but he doesn't mind right now. It doesn't feel rough at all.

He gets up slowly, still unable to balance himself in this sleepy mood with his numbed senses. He almost loses his balance and puts his hands out, hoping there's something there to steady him. His left hand hits the surface of the table just before his right hand does. When his right hand touches down, he feels something break underneath it. A piece of glass is stuck in his hand and Matt lets out a groan of pain.

"Matt?!" Foggy yells, from another room in the house.

"F- Foggy?" Matt says, hearing his voice like a muffled sounds.

"Matt are you okay?" Foggy sees the glass in Matt's hand, "Oh, shit,"

"Foggy, what is this?"

"I, uh, I took off your glasses and put them on the table when you fell asleep on my couch..."

Matt feels a little bit of a lump in his throat because of all that is happening. He's at Foggy's place, he realizes. He also realizes that he doesn't know Foggy's place as well as he thought he did. He puts out his left hand behind him, feeling for the couch he got up from.

When Foggy is done taking out the glass of his hand, putting a bandaid around it the best he could, he looks up at Matt's face. His eyes were moving from one place to another, as if they were searching for something. He would offer him his sunglasses but he doesn't want to make Matt feel uncomfortable. He'll wait until he asks for it.

"Hey Matt," Foggy starts.

Suddenly Matts gaze is pointed towards Foggy's face and he seemed relieved to have something to focus on.

"What happened?"

Matt's relieved expression turned to worry as Foggy asked the question. He couldn't go with the spins anymore. Not still, a morning later. He felt guilty for not wanting to tell Foggy, but he was sure that if he did tell him, he'd feel betrayed.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt doesn't want to tell Foggy about his heightened senses. It wouldn't matter anymore if this were permanent. He would have to live like this, like a regular blind guy forever.

At first, he felt as though he was betraying the blind community, that he felt too good for them. He felt as though he shouldn't complain, because this was how it was supposed to be. Numbed, a boring world around him, filled with darkness and no world on fire to tell him what people and things looked like. He realized he had taken his abilities for granted, used them for everything; he realized he had no idea how to be blind.

He remembers this one time in college, the first time he felt comfortable drinking with Foggy. They had seeked out a quiet bar to celebrate the end of the semester. They had been drinking continuously. Matt had felt his senses numbing a bit, but he didn't decline the drinks that Foggy got them. They eventually got so drunk that everything was spinning, everything was fire, all around him. He couldn't make up the shapes of things anymore and he couldn't reach out his hearing further than Foggy's voice.

At the end of the night, they decided to walk back to their dorm. It was the longest walk of his entire life, even though it lasted about fifteen minutes. The fire all around him, the one that helped him navigate was intense and shapeless. Now, with his senses numbed without him knowing why, he didn't even have that. All he had was darkness, the smell of Foggy's aftershave, the sound of him talking and walking and the feel of the couch underneath him.

"I, uhm," Matt started. "Feel like I'm..." He was looking for the words he couldn't find, he didn't know how to tell Foggy, but he had to. Foggy had the right to know, and Foggy could help him.

"I feel like I'm drunk," He said. It wasn't completely true. It was worse than that.

"Oh," Surprise in Foggy's voice. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, I usually, I kind of know where things are because of sound and smell and such? You know, using the other senses I have left? It feels like everything is numbed. It makes me feel useless, it's disorienting."

This was the best he could come up with. Maybe if he got used to this numbness, he could learn how to be blind like a regular person and pull off looking as confident as he usually did. Then, Foggy didn't have to worry about him. He wouldn't have to know about his heightened senses; he could just pull off being Matt, without being Daredevil.

Matt didn't get a reaction from Foggy. He felt alone now that he couldn't make up his shape, his heartbeat, anything. When Foggy wasn't speaking, he almost seemed to disappear. All there was left was his breathing, which was barely audible over Matt's own breathing. He couldn't figure out the changes in his breathing. It was like there was nothing around him.

"Foggy?"

"Yeah, oh, sorry. I don't- It's weird."

"Uh, yeah. I hope it wears off. It's... disorienting."

"I bet."

Matt closed his eyes, remembering that he had crushed his glasses. He had felt comfortable enough with Foggy to not wear them, but right now he had no idea what his eyes were doing. He felt like they were gazing all over the place to compensate for his lost hearing. He didn't want to make Foggy feel uncomfortable too.

"Do you want to go home?" Foggy asked.

Matt didn't know if this was concern for Matt or if Foggy wanted him out of his apartment.

"Yeah," Was all Matt said, he didn't want to be a burden for Foggy in any way. He could meditate at home. He could try to get the senses reaching out as far as possible again.


	6. Chapter 6

Foggy had called a cab for Matt. Usually, he'd decline the offer and he probably should have today. The ride home felt like Hell. He had no idea where he was. He counted the turns and tried to use his mental map of the city to figure out where the cab had taken him. Traffic was crazy and Foggy had told the driver to get him home as fast as he could. The driver took this very serious, swerving from left to right, switching lanes whenever he could. This almost felt like a turn to Matt, he had lost count on the swerves that were actual turns. He was lost.

His stomach had turned several times in the short ride home, which seemed to take forever. When the car stopped, the driver announced that they have reached their destination. Matt was about to grab his wallet when he realized he didn't have it on him.

"'s aight, your friend paid."

He didn't know that. Foggy didn't have to do that. He'll thank him later.

Once Matt got out of the car, he tried use his radar. Nothing happened. He felt lost. He was in front of his house, he knew that. He didn't know if he was going to be able to find his door without looking suspicious.

He had no idea what to do, until he heard a familiar voice call him from quite the distance. Or the voice came from very close and he just didn't know because everything used to be so loud.

"Matt!"

He could tell the voice was coming from behind him, a bit to his right but he couldn't exactly pinpoint where to look to face the person calling him. He tried to be as accurate as possible, but a hand shoved his shoulder to correct him. He wasn't expecting the hand. He flinched as he hand touched his shoulder and waited for the person to speak again. He didn't know if it was a friend or not, he didn't know how to respond.

"Where have you been? I've been at your apartment for like an hour now. I was worried, you weren't picking up." It was Claire.

"Claire, walk me inside. Please." Matt begged.

Matt didn't know if Claire sighed or not, but she took his arm, dragging him inside. He pulled his arm free and took hers instead.

"You want my help or not, Murdock?"

"I'm supposed to take your arm. Not the other way around."

Claire was quiet for a moment. "Oh. I never had to guide you. Didn't know."

They walk up the stairs, Matt's body tired. His right hand tracing the walls, his left hand holding a grip on Claires elbow.

"Matt, there's no one here. You can let go." Claire sounded annoyed, almost as if she didn't want him to touch her. As if she needed him to stop pretending to need the help.

"Can you just take me inside please; I need to talk to you." Matt couldn't hide the fear in his voice and it seemed enough to convince Claire that he's being serious.


	7. Chapter 7

Matt sat down on the couch and felt it dip when Claire sat down next to him.

"What's going on? You're acting weird."

Matt felt his own heart speed up as he realized it was time to admit it and say it out loud. He didn't thing he needed to. He had hoped it would resolve itself. He had hoped he didn't have to seem helpless to the one who knows he is actually 0% helpless.

"I, I can't see, Claire," Matt couldn't find the right words to describe it any other way and felt flashes of fear when he first said, or yelled those words, as a 9 years old kid lying on the streets, eyes burning from the chemicals that made this happen.

"Yeah, no shit. Seriously, why am I here?" Claire sounded annoyed but Matt couldn't tell anything else by just her voice.

Matt started shaking, breathing faster, shaking more, he couldn't control his movements. He was lost in his own body.

"Matt! Matt, calm down, sit!" Claire demanded and pushed him down on the couch as if he were a dog.

"Matt, breathe with me." Matt couldn't tell the difference in her breathing as all sounds were drowned out by the noise of his own lungs inhaling and exhaling but never getting enough air. Or maybe too much. He started feeling dizzy.

Something grabbed his hand and placed it on something. Someone? It was Claire. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest so he could feel it rising and falling as she breathed. Matt knew what this was meant to do and he tried to match his breathing to hers.

His hearing was now even less of what it usually is and he was lost for a moment when Claire stood up. He remembered where he was as soon as he heard a glass fill with water from the kitchen.

"Matt, you have to explain to me what's going on here…"

"Yeah, I- I think I'm.. actually blind. I don't know how to, uh, how to explain it. It's- I'm not hearing much." Once again, he could not find the words but at least he was thinking about it without losing all his remaining senses.

"What do you mean? What's different?"

"I didn't know where I was. I didn't know where the front door of the building was, where to go, even. You approaching me on the street in front of the house scared me because I couldn't _see_ you coming. I didn't smell you, hear you, or sense you in any way. I'm- I feel lost all the time, Claire." He hated himself for saying it like this, like he was actually unable to do anything. Like he needed help with everything around him.

Claire realized something. She wasn't invited in to stitch him up or to try to fix him; he probably knew that she wasn't going to be able to do anything to fix this. She was here because he's scared. He relied on his senses, trusted his hearing, smell, taste, touch so much that he was now completely _blind_ , like he was supposed to be.


	8. Chapter 8

Matt had slept enough at Foggy's place. He was feeling bad about not being good company at the moment but he was so tired, he fell asleep in his sitting position, holding Claire's hand. Claire was wide awake. She pitied him. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help it. She couldn't begin to imagine what it must be like for Matt. He knew more than any sighted person, saw everything so clearly. The only time he needed her because of his disability was when he had found a phone with a text message on it he could not read.

As much as he did not know what to do with himself at the moment, she had no idea what to do with him either.

When Matt woke, Claire had moved to the chair by the round dining table behind the couch. It wasn't hard to tell whether Matt was awake or not, as he jerked up and his arms found the couch and held onto it as firm as he could while shaking, sweating, looking mortified. He seemed so lost.

Claire decided not to say anything, because she never had to.

Matt rose from the couch, walked into the kitchen and opened a cupboard to get a glass. He managed to knock two off the shelf and onto the floor. He didn't know what was going on. He didn't want to move, because he had no idea where the glass had fallen and his socks would not protect his feet in case he stepped onto the glass.

"I'll clean it, don't move." Claire said, making Matt jump. He was never surprised to hear her voice, it was always as if he knew when she was going to say something.

"Claire," Matt started. "I, I thought you left." He almost sounded as if he wanted her gone, but she couldn't imagine that being the reason for the tone of his voice.

"Nope, still here. Please don't step in the glass; this might be the only time I get to not see your blood."

She sounded like she was serious but Matt knew she was joking. He just couldn't help the thought of him never getting into the Daredevil suit again as this might not wear off. Things might not get back to normal. Well, not his normal; she might never have to stitch him up again. Not for the same reasons she used to, anyways. From now on, he might actually start falling down stairs and walking into doors. He has no idea if Karen will believe it once more.

"Woah there, Matt. Don't want you crying all over me, please."

Matt didn't even notice the tears falling down his face, onto Claire as she was cleaning the floor beneath him. He didn't taste the salt in the air, didn't notice the warm stream as the tears ran over his cheeks until Claire mentioned it.

"Claire, I," Matt couldn't finish his sentence before Claire was up to the same level as him, now turning him to pull him into a hug. He never thought he'd be so vulnerable around Claire. Sure, he'd laid half dead on her couch before, which is as physically vulnerable as you could be, but he'd never been emotionally vulnerable. Matt always had a way of knowing what's going on around him, knowing the mental state of the other. He always knew what to say, to do, how to present himself even if he was bleeding out and nearly unconscious.

It was the most unsettling thing he had ever experienced.

It was the most unsettling thing Claire had ever seen.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey Matt," Claire tried not to let the pity take over her voice, which, at the moment seemed to be the most difficult thing she ever had to do.

"What do you think is happening? What do you think you'll do if it... doesn't come back?"

Matt sat on the couch, holding on to a pillow. He started fidgeting with the label. He cursed at himself for not cutting the label off, as it would have annoyed him if his senses weren't dulled.

"I don't know. I have tried not to think about it. I can't live like this; I know that's selfish but... I've never felt more useless."

Claire could barely hold back the tear teasing her eye. She wasn't crying for Matt Murdock. She would never cry for Matt Murdock, she was crying for the man sitting on the couch at the moment. He was barely anything like him. He looked like him, though tired and more worn out than the Matt she knew ever was. He smelled like him, though less bloody. She didn't know if he smiled like him. She had not seen this version of him smile yet. She probably wouldn't believe it if he ever did smile.

"You can still do your job, Matt."

"It wouldn't-, I, I use my senses doing my job. I represent the innocent. I can't be unsure of that. I," He choked, unable to finish what he had started.

"You're saying you don't want to be a lawyer of you're not 100% sure of your clients innocence?" Claire didn't seem to understand it.

"It's more than that, Claire." He started sounding angry, which was more like the Matt she knew. So far, this one had only been sad and scared. "I'm confident in my job, I was confident in my job. I knew what to do, what to say, all because I can anticipate the other people's behavior by doing what I did which was using what I had and now I don't have that anymore and I'm not sure if I can still do my job and-"

He started breathing faster, too fast for a situation like this. Claire jumped off the chair and grabbed a glass of water before rushing over to Matt, who had now let go of the pillow and was clutching the cushion of the couch with his arms spread out, eyes skipping from left to right. It's slightly unsettling for Claire but she would not ever dare to tell him to put on his glasses. Claire picks up his hand again. As soon as she does, he starts dropping tears. He's now facing Claire; hand on her chest, trying to slow his breathing.  
If this is becoming a regular thing, he should try to find a way to calm down without Claire.

As soon as his breathing slows, he leans forwards to the table. He runs his hands over the surface, keeping his hands low. He has never looked so uncertain picking something up and Claire decides to jump in, tapping the glass of water to the back if his hands.

A shaky "no" escapes from his mouth and Claire realizes he's got his eyes closed now. Did he notice her discomfort when she noticed his eyes?

Matt seemed to stop thinking about it as he got the glass and started drinking the water.

"Where did you leave them?" Claire asked, obviously meaning his glasses.

"I think I broke them. It's- it's no big deal."

"We can go out and buy new ones," realizing this might have sounded pushy, she quickly added "if you're okay with that."

Matt, keeping his eyes closed, faced Claire. "If you don't mind,"


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Hi! So, as you may have noticed, I have been updating a lot in the past two days. This is because I like writing this fic! But I also love feedback, which is 100% where my motivation comes from. I'd love to keep updating as frequently as I do now, so please don't be afraid to leave a review! Also, I'd like to have someone read my chapters for me before uploading them as I have been writing at late nights and English isn't my first language. So basically: I make mistakes when I'm tired and might not always notice them. If you're interested in reading the chapters before I publish them, please send me a Private Message or just leave it in the reviews and I will probably reach out to you :)**

 **A big thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this! :)**

The next day came slowly as Matt was unable to fall asleep that night. He had tried, closed his eyes, counted sheep, and drank tea, whatever it took, but it didn't help. He felt tired, for no reason, as he realized all he has done was sit on the couch and take a shower.

When it was finally time to get up, which he kept checking every ten minutes if it were, he got dressed at a speed he had probably never used before. Not having thought about the outfit, he called in Claire for help, who was in the kitchen, preparing a light breakfast as all Matt owned were a couple of crackers and some plane cereal.

"Claire, can I go outside in this?" He asked, standing in the doorway to his bedroom.

Claire realized she had never seen him in casual daylight clothes before. She had met him when he was wearing his first Daredevil outfit. She saw him wearing a suit, she saw him wearing a hoodie and some sweatpants and she saw him wear his final Daredevil outfit. She had never seen him like this. He was wearing blue jeans with a slightly darker blue t-shirt. With any other person she'd disagree with the outfit and grab a shirt in a different colour, but with Matt, it wasn't even a bothering combination.

"Yeah, 's okay," She answered.

"Thanks. I, uh. I'll make coffee." He smiled. He actually smiled. He looked tired, eyes bare and wandering around instead of the steady forward stare he usually had, but the smile looked genuine. It was almost like the Matt she knew.

He started getting everything he needed to get the coffee going, looking almost as confident as he always did. She was thinking maybe he could live like this and wondered if he was thinking the same thing.

Once the food and coffee were gone they made a plan.

"Where did you buy your last pair of glasses?" Claire asked, to plan their first stop.

"I didn't. Foggy gave them to me after we landed the internship at Landman and Zack, as a gift. And also because the pair that the nuns at the orphanage gave me were 'outdated' according to Foggy."

Claire didn't know about the orphanage. She barely knew anything about him, she realized. This would have to be fixed another time, she should have some kind of history on him.

"Okay, well, do you know any stores you think might have what we're looking for? Pun intended."

Matt let out a chuckle and his hand searched for Claire's across the table.

"I don't really know any stores that sell sunglasses. I never got to buy a pair for myself because I didn't want to drag anyone along and the ones that were given to me worked fine."

"Alright, I guess I know some places to go, then." Claire put her other hand on top of his wrist and gave a light squeeze.

"Thank you, Claire. I really appreciate it." He smiled again. This time it seemed different, like when he gets help from strangers when he doesn't want it or need it.

She realized what he had said, about not wanting to drag anyone along. She felt the need to come up with something to tell him so that he didn't feel like this was all it was to her, a guy needing help and her not having the guts to pass.

"It's all good. I don't have many girlfriends to go shopping with so this should be the closest thing, might even be fun!"

And then Matt's fake smile turned to a genuine grin.


	11. Chapter 11

"You ready to go?" Claire asked.

"I, uh, almost. Where's, where's my cane?" Matt was standing near the front door. Must be where he usually leaves his cane, Claire thought.

Claire walked around the apartment and then returned to Matt, pushing the cane in his hand.

"Should we do the, uhm, leading thing? Do you need my elbow?" Claire wasn't sure how to act around this Matt. He seemed too uncertain to function, even though it shouldn't be that hard for him, right?

"I think that'd be easier, yeah. Unless, of course, you don't want to."

"No! No problem, let's go." She said as she grabbed Matt's left hand and led it to her elbow.

-

They were out on the street, Matt's eyes closed, his right hand holding his cane slightly across his body and his left hand in Claire's elbow.

"Like I said, I haven't done this. Ever… so if I need to go slower or faster or whatever, you tell me."

"Okay." Matt didn't like this. At all. But he needed this right now.

They started walking, out the door to the left, two blocks, and then they took a right. He knew the area but he had never felt so lost. He had no idea about the people around him, until one bumped into his shoulder. Matt stumbled backwards, losing contact with Claire. He couldn't feel her presence. He heard her voice somewhere behind him,

"Hey!" She sounded so angry. "Watch where you're going, asshole!"

"Says the one who doesn't move away," The person replied.

Matt wanted nothing more than to stop this, but he wouldn't know if he were talking to the right person unless he talked as well.

Claire and the stranger exchanged some more words and strangers kept bumping into Matt, making him feel like a waste of space that people needed to get to the place where they needed to be.

"Claire," Matt started, not too loud, hoping for it to be just loud enough to get Claire's attention.

Claire didn't seem to register Matt's calling.

"Claire," He tried again, a bit louder this time. Claire and the stranger were still fighting.

"Claire! Claire!" Matt stepped forward. He was disoriented from just following, the stranger moving him and turning him around, he hoped he was going to find a wall to lean on. And he did, he found a wall and leaned against it, hands pushing against the bricks, holding contact with this wall that couldn't walk away.

"CLAIRE!" Matt was breathing too fast again and this time Claire didn't continue her fight with the ignorant passer-by. She ran towards Matt, grabbing his hand. He flinched.

"Matt! Calm down! It's me, Claire."

She put his hand to her chest but he pulled it free. He needed to do it by himself for once. He needed to know that he could calm himself without the help of Claire. She wasn't going to be around whenever he needed it.

He counted his breaths and he could hear his own heartbeat, way too fast. It was the only heartbeat he could hear. The sound of it was satisfying and alarming. He liked having a heartbeat to listen to but he didn't want it if it were so intense.

He focused on his breathing and his heartbeat, blocking out all the other noises. He traced little shapes of 8 on the wall behind him with his fingertips. He found the constant movements and the focus he needed to connect the circles calming, so that's what he kept doing, trying to make the 8 as perfect as can be.

And it worked. He calmed down, he felt his breathing slowing down, he felt his heartbeat calm down and the sound of it disappeared.

"You good?" Claire asked.

"Yeah," was all Matt could answer and it was enough for both of them.

Claire handed him his cane, set his hand back in her elbow and they continued their way to the store.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Hi! Very short chapter but the next one is longer. Big thanks to Neyite for being my beta reader :)**

When they arrive at the store, it's mainly empty. The guy behind the counter seems too busy to notice anyone entering and Matt would like to keep it that way. Claire will be enough help today.

"What do you think you like?" Claire asks.

"I don't know, maybe just something like my old ones."

Claire deposits Matt somewhere between the entrance and the first rack and takes a look at what they have.

"What other stuff does this store sell?" Matt is curious. Sunglasses aren't a real must-have in the cold days in New York so they must get their profits from other things.

"Eh, loads of tourist-stuff. It's post cards, umbrella's, sunglasses, keychains… Nothing big."

They stay silent for a while. Matt listens to Claire picking up the sunglasses and occasionally putting one back. When she stands in front of Matt, he holds out a hand for her to put the first pair in.

He feels the frame, tracing it with his fingers. He doesn't think he likes it but he puts it on anyways, then looks up at where he thinks Claire would be.

"Doesn't look as good as the old pair. Next."

They go on like this for a while, until Matt gets a call from Foggy.

"Hey, Matt,"

"Hey. I'm sorry I'm not at the office. I'll come in as soon as possible, okay?"

"Don't worry about it. Told Karen you're not feeling too well and that's still no lie, I assume?"

"You're not wrong. But I'll be there anyways. I can bring lunch?"

Even Claire can hear Foggy cheer from the other end of the call, knowing they can't stay here for too long. When Matt hangs up, Claire puts another pair in his hands. Matt is pleased to learn that it has a thin frame, round glasses, not too big.

"Colour?"

"Black. They're almost the same as the old pair. Bit darker. The frame is silver."

Matt puts them on and knows right away that these are the ones they'll be taking. Claire grabs a second pair of the same sunglasses so that they can avoid another trip to a store like this. She can tell Matt doesn't like shopping at all.

The guy behind the counter is still not caring much for what's going on and they're out of the store, eyes covered, within seconds.

Matt explains that he has to get back to the office and Claire understands, walking him to the front of his apartment first, so that he doesn't have to figure out how to get from the store to the office. Matt is silently grateful for that.

As they say goodbye, Claire places a small kiss on Matt's cheek and disappears in the crowd walking past him.


	13. Chapter 13

Matt picks up three sandwiches on his way to the office for Foggy, Karen and himself. He feels like he's not doing good enough, but he knows he can't do much more than what he's doing at the moment. He has no idea how to fix what's wrong and he doesn't know what's actually wrong anyways.

He doesn't realize that he's about to step into his workplace in his casual clothes until he's already in front of the door. He could turn around, walk back home and change into a suit, but the tapping of his cane already gave away that he's here.

Fumbling with all the stuff in his hands, the bag from the shop with the sunglasses, the bag with lunch and the cane in his other hand, Karen opens the door for him. He steps inside, thanks Karen, who gratefully takes the bag with the sandwiches and walks to the small kitchen to get them something to drink with it. She hasn't mentioned his inappropriate outfit yet. Maybe they both won't.

That's only something Matt can hope for, as he hears Foggy chuckle from the direction of this office.

"Matthew Murdock, showing up for work in a shirt with Captain America on it, on top of a pair of jeans that don't quite match. I know you're not all too well, but don't you at least read the labels on the hangers anymore?"

Matt feels his cheeks get hot and he automatically starts to open his mouth before finding the words to say.

"I wasn't- I wasn't home and I wasn't planning on going to the office today." Which was the best he could do.

"Oh, well, what did you do today?" Karen asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I was at a store with Claire when you called, Foggy. I got new glasses." He feels somewhat awkward saying this, as if they wouldn't notice.

"Oh, right! Sorry buddy, I forgot what happened. I kept the old ones, not really good for wearing but I didn't know if you wanted them back. These look good, I didn't really notice."

"Oh, I see! They're a different colour!" Karen sounded enthusiastic. "Looks good, Matt."

Matt was standing awkwardly in the middle of the office, half forgetting where exactly he should go next. It was weird to not feel what was in the room with him. He felt so lost, so in the dark. The world on fire he once hated so much but relied on every moment of the day was gone and there was nothing in himself to tell how far he could go before bumping into something. The air felt as if it was standing still, even though he knew it never was. With every breath he took, something always appeared in his 'vision'. With every move that was made, the currents in the air changed. Right now it was just air, no currents, no details. He relied on others and on his cane.

He relied on the pain he felt when he walked into Karen's desk.

Foggy seemed to notice and he pulled out a chair for him to sit in. Karen wasn't asking questions yet, which he was grateful for. He didn't feel like explaining that he is suddenly more blind than he has ever been.

They sit down and eat their food, Matt gets several thanks' for bringing sandwiches and showing up and they decide that it's okay for Matt to stay in and work on some research for a case that had just rolled in. It's all very easy; the conversations are superficial, until Karen asks what happened to the old pair of glasses.

Matt feels his cheeks burning up again and he wishes he could just stop that, considering it's not something he has to be ashamed of. He knows that, but he can't help it.

"I broke them. I forgot where I put them when I was at Foggy's place. I stood up too fast, got dizzy and put my hand on the table to steady myself, where my glasses were." He says, without mentioning that it was actually Foggy that put them there. Foggy decides not to correct him either, as it would result in Karen asking why Foggy took off the glasses in the first place.

He thought, by saying he forgot where he put them, that he had avoided the question that was next.

"Why do you wear your glasses when there's only us in the office?" The innocence in Karen's voice makes his fist clench under the table and his stomach turn and decides to drown the feeling with a sip of water before answering the question.

"Oh, shit. Was that rude? I'm- I'm sorry, you don't have to answer." Karen says, when he notices that Matt is avoiding answering her question.

"It's fine," Matt lies. "Foggy and I lived together in college. I don't mean it to sound this way, but I'm more comfortable with Foggy."

"Karen, trust me, it took him like one and a half year to take them off in the dorm room. This guy doesn't know how pretty those peepers are." Foggy says laughing, and it's the last thing they talk about during lunch.

Matt actually wishes he wouldn't have to wear them around Karen, he wants to be comfortable with her. But right now, he wouldn't even be comfortable with just Foggy.


	14. Chapter 14

Matt goes back to his own desk when they finish eating lunch, while Karen and Foggy clean up the plates and glasses. Any other day he would insist on helping them, but today he just can't argue with them.

He sets up his laptop and braille reader and puts in the earpiece and starts reading through the files that Foggy sent him. The case isn't all too spectacular; someone got food poisoning from a restaurant that has a reputation for getting people sick. They've dealt with this restaurant before, they can probably get some money out of it and the restaurant will have someone to supervise them for a week. Matt knows what to do, he knows where to start and he knows what to look for, but he can't get himself to actually do it. He just keeps reading and reading and he's so focused on that, he's actually startled when Karen knocks on the door frame to announce her coming in.

"Hey, didn't mean to startle you."

"No, it's nothing. What's going on?" He thought he sounded like he wanted her out of here, which he didn't. He realized he wanted nothing more than for someone to be there with him, to touch him and to reassure him that he's not alone right now. He wants to scream and throw everything off his desk, he wants to tell Karen and Foggy just how messed up everything is right now and how he can't make sense of it all, but he wouldn't dare to out his secret now that it's not even there anymore. He's going to have to deal with this himself.

"You seem distracted, Matt. I know you're not feeling too well but you don't look sick. If it's something else, you can always tell us, you know. Or just Foggy." And that hurt him like Hell. He wants Karen to feel as important as she is and making that comment about being more comfortable around Foggy did the exact opposite, or so it seems.

"I- There's just some stuff I need to work through right now, personal stuff, and I wouldn't keep It from you if I knew this wouldn't be over in an instant." He hates lying.

"Okay. I believe you." She sounded so honest, so genuine. He never intentionally listened to someone's heartbeat unless he needed the truth, but he wishes he could hear it now, just to make sure she really means it.

Karen starts to turn around, going back to her own desk, until;

"Karen? Could you maybe, uhm, work in my office today while I'm here?" His own heart feels like it's beating a hole through his chest, how should he explain that he doesn't want the world around him to disappear when everyone is quiet?

"I actually, Matt, I'm so sorry, I'm leaving early today. I'm meeting someone in an hour…"

And this is when his heart stops. He stops breathing, everything actually disappears and he doesn't know if he's still in the same world or not. He doesn't feel like he is, he feels abandoned, even though he has no right to. Karen can't be there all the time, she can't keep looking out for him, he feels like such a burden even asking her this. He has no idea what he was thinking, this is only going to raise more questions, and he can't help but breathe too fast.

"Matt? Matt! Calm down, what's happening?!" Karen yells, and Matt hears her, it just doesn't register.

"Foggy! Something is happening with Matt!"

Now Matt can't help but let the tears fall down his face, somewhere hoping that his colleagues don't notice this.

It seems to escalate quicker than on the street when Claire left him, he tries to breathe, to calm himself, to feel okay, but he can't make sense of the thoughts in his head and he can't help but hyperventilate.

Matt reaches out a hand and someone takes it. He takes the glasses off as they feel too heavy on his face and puts his free hand on his own chest; hopefully the one holding his other hand picks up on the hint and puts his hand on their own chest. He doesn't hear anything anymore, not even his own breathing. This only makes things worse as he wonders if this is temporary or permanent. He wouldn't have a way to communicate with the others. He wouldn't be of much use for the firm. He could do research, but he would never go to court again, which is where his passion lies.

He doesn't notice the hand rubbing circles over his back until the moment he stops breathing. He doesn't know how, but he's been holding his breath for a while. The feeling on his back is calming but it doesn't do enough. He wills his hand free and searches for the chest of the person who took his hand, tapping his own chest several times with his other hand.

When he finds it, it works like magic. He feels it rising and falling, faster than what would be normal but by far not as unsteady as his own. He tries to match it, 'it' now identified as Foggy's, doing a poor job while he's at it. It takes longer than it ever has, but he manages to calm his breathing and the room starts to fill with noise again. It seems overwhelming at first, but it is not yet what it used to be. It's just what a normal person would hear and Matt can basically hear his brain cursing at the lack of sound.


	15. Chapter 15

Foggy and Karen don't leave his office. Matt wants to stay, wants to work, but not like this. He asked Karen to stay in this office while he's working but right now he wishes them gone. He's more than embarrassed, he feels like such a burden. Whatever Foggy was doing, he ran into his office to help him _breathe_ , for fucks sake. Something people shouldn't need help with.

"Matt, does this happen more often?" Karen eventually dares to ask.

"Only recently. Can we get back to work? I was going through some of-"

"No, we can't. Why didn't you say it was this serious, buddy? What am I supposed to do when I see my friend choking and unable to calm down? Just get back to work? Sorry, Matt, I can't."

Foggy sounds so angry. Matt wants to know if his facial expression matches his voice. It's strange. He hasn't wondered about people's facial expression since he was eleven. It used to be a big part of communication with others, but he's learned to read other things than someone's face, like a heartbeat or their breathing. Those things don't mean anything now that he can't read them.

"Are you angry?" Matt asks with a voice smaller he intended to use.

Foggy doesn't answer. Maybe he moved, maybe he walked away. Maybe he's tired of narrating his moves and facial expressions. Matt would understand if he's tired of it.

"Foggy? Are you still here?" It's almost awkward, coming from Matt's mouth.

"What the H-ll is going on, Matt?! You know when someone is here, you know what people are thinking, you're not the kind of guy to ask these things. You're the not-blind kind of blind!"

He didn't mean to sound so angry or offensive, if that's what it was. Matt looked pale and shocked, almost as if he were to faint any second now. He knew he wasn't shy to hide what he did and didn't know about what people are doing but he had no idea it gave such an impression.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Foggy stepped closer; Matt could now feel the warmth of his body, creating a feeling of safety inside Matt.

He let down a tear, thinking he'd have to explain everything now that he realized the blind act he put on wasn't too good.

"Matt, I'm going to get something to drink from the kitchen. I'll be back before you know it and I'll work on my laptop in your office. I don't want you to go home and I don't want you to work alone. It's what you asked Karen, right? To stay while you work?" Matt had no idea if Karen were still in the room. He nodded yes. "Karen is outside your office by the way, she was getting emotional after your breakdown or whatever that was."

More embarrassment washed over him, hoping he didn't give too big of a scare. If only he could hear her heartbeat, her warmth, maybe even taste the air to look for salt in the air to indicate that she cried. He just wanted to know more.

Foggy and Matt worked quietly in Matt's office, Matt reading through things and Foggy typing away on his laptop. Karen was busy as well but left after three hours, leaving the place with only Foggy and Matt.

Matt thought about telling him everything. He thought about giving him the details on how he knows what was in his lunch, what he stepped in this morning, when he made the slightest movement. The thought alone got his heart racing and he settled for a less drastic version.

"When you go blind, your other senses compensate." He simply stated.

"You said that was a myth."

"It is. Mostly. When one of your senses stops working, you start paying more attention to the ones you have left. It's not so much as gaining abilities or whatever. It's barely anything but right now, it seems like-" he can't quite finish his sentence before he feels a tear running down his cheek, reminding him of how much the other info meant to him, considering it kept him useful.

"It seems like I've lost 20% of what I have left. My hearing, it's like I've lost so much, like when people take a step or something. I don't hear that much. Smells aren't as strong, I don't know. It makes me feel useless, Foggy-"

Before he can finish he gets interrupted by Foggy, who is now hugging him tighter than he has ever had Foggy hug him before.

"You're not useless, Matt. You never will be. You're a great lawyer and a great friend and my best buddy. If you told me before, maybe I wouldn't have been such a dick."

Matt laughs at that.

"You're never a dick, Fog. Thanks." He can't find any other words to say and he doesn't have to. He knows Foggy understands and will try to do as much as he can to help. Almost as if he needs to learn how to be with Matt all over again, like when they became roomies at Columbia.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: This one's a bit short, sorry about that. I've let go of my beta-reader so if anyone feels like it might be fun to help me and correct my errors before I post the chapters, please send me a PM. Also, it'd be helpful if you're in the same time-zone (CET). I'll try to post a few chapters this weekend. Thanks for reading :)**

When Matt gets home from work, he doesn't feel like doing anything. He usually gets dinner if they haven't eaten at the office yet and then, when he's certain that its dark out, goes out as Daredevil. Today, he feels like sitting on the couch with some very unhealthy food and maybe a movie or a book.

Honestly, he can't even find the motivation or concentration to do that. He's too distracted by his own thoughts, which now wander his mind louder than they ever had. They're usually not as present as they are now, with no noise around him to make them disappear.

He's bored. For once in a really long time, Matt's bored. He thinks about the things he could do; he could read a book, watch tv or a movie, he could cook himself some dinner. He could even go up to the roof, where he used to go to listen to the sound of the city and everything around him, trying to figure out where to go next, which people to help. Who's ass to kick. But today he doesn't want to do that. It's not because he doesn't like it up there; he loves the roof. It's away from everyone else and he knows he won't be disturbed up there. He doesn't want to because he's scared he'll break because he'll realize what's out of reach.

And then he knows. He knows what to do; he sends a text to both Foggy and Karen.

"Hi. Come to my place. Bring food I usually deny. I want to try all of it."

As soon as he sends it, he realizes how ridiculous it is. How will he explain that he can suddenly try the super-sweet/sour/spicy stuff that he's been saying no to all these years because it's just too much to handle? What would they even bring?

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a group call.

"Matt!" Foggy yells over the phone, "Have you finally gotten over your fear for tasteful things?! Oh man, I'm bringing my entire kitchen to your apartment."

Matt and Karen both laugh at that, knowing that Foggy will bring all the goods.

"I could bring drinks, if you'd like? I don't have much food in the house and I think Foggy's got that one covered." Karen says, sounding apologetic.

"Yeah, Foggy, something like that. Bring what you've got, if you don't mind. I kind of feel like I've been missing out or something. Drinks would be nice, thanks Karen."

"Since it's Friday, do you mind if I crash at your place? I might not want to stumble home after drinking and eating all of the weird stuff we're getting you." Foggy suggests.

Matt has to think about this one. He doesn't really feel like staying with people for long, but he doesn't think he can handle being alone for long either. He loves Foggy, he shouldn't deny his best friend a sleepover, but he's just so not used to this world and he would like his privacy while figuring it out.

"Bring your stuff. Karen, you can stay over too, if you'd like." He suddenly says. Did he mean to say that? He wasn't planning on saying that, he thinks. It doesn't matter now, what's said is said and he thinks it might not be too bad.

"Okay, see you in a bit!" He hears Foggy say before he ends up. Karen says a quick goodbye as well and now he's back in his own silence. For now.


	17. Chapter 17

Matt has the radio turned on quite loudly and was preparing the living room for two guests to sleep in when Foggy knocked on the door.

"Matt! Open up! We got so much food and the booze looks sad and lonely and needs to go down someone's curious throat!"

Matt laughed and then heard Karen's explosion of laughter from the hallway when he walked over to the front door to open it.

"Foggy, that sounded so wrong!" Matt said, accusingly.

"Oh, Matt. You should have heard him in the cab, trying to explain the food situation to the driver!"

Foggy pushed past Matt, shoving him aside so he could enter with all the bags in hand. It didn't take super-senses for Matt to know that it was heavy and although Foggy wasn't exactly weak, he wouldn't be able to keep those up for much longer.

Karen entered after him, giving Matt a small hug and moved on to the kitchen, where Foggy was already unpacking everything he brought.

The hug he received from Karen made him smile. When she turned around, the smile disappeared. He wanted to be touched so bad. He wasn't craving human contact in a sexy-manner but more of an ever-present reassurance that someone was there. He knew they were, he knew his friends were here. They were moving things around in the kitchen and laughing and talking, they included him in conversations and made him as useful as can be but that didn't take away the thought of cuddling, hugging, even shaking someone's hand that was lingering in the back of his mind.

That feeling went away as soon as he found out what Foggy made him do with the help of Karen. Foggy had brought the ingredients for his mom's famous Christmas dish, which included loads of spices and weird ingredients. Matt never ate any of it, even though he felt bad about that, like he was being rude. He could always smell at least 9 different spices that were too much for Matt's nose to handle, which usually meant that his tongue should definitely not give it a try.

Foggy gave Matt and Karen the task of cutting vegetables. He could cut veggies, no problem. But Foggy insisted on them being cut exactly how his mom did it, and he had no idea how to cut them like that, so Karen helped. With orders from Foggy, ('they have to be like, 3mm or something, whatever that means!'), Matt let Karen guide his hands over the vegetables, telling him how to cut and taking his hands in hers when he seemed uncertain of how to proceed.

It was fairly intimate. Matt didn't care about it being with Karen, though. If it was Foggy pressing against his back, arms around him to reach his hands from behind him and guiding his hands by holding them as an extension as his own, he would have been just as happy. He liked the contact; he liked being touched and having something to do. He was slow but useful. This was exactly what he needed and he made a memo in his head to remind him to thank Foggy for not just bringing nasty snacks but actual food that needed actual preparation.

Once they finished prepping and Foggy insisted on him finishing the dish while Matt and Karen set the table, he was feeling as contend as could be in the situation he was in.

Once dinner was served, Matt was 100% sure they were staring at him, waiting for him to take his first bite of anything spicier than mac 'n cheese. He didn't let them wait. He took a bite and felt every part of his body fill up with joy and happiness, unable to wait before taking the next bite. It took him four bites before he could say anything.

"Foggy, this is amazing!" He let out, trying not to look absolutely gross.

"I know, right?! I should tell my mom that you finally tried it. She'll be happy to know you'll be having a scoop of this as well at our Christmas dinner."

Matt didn't have it in him to tell that he probably won't have any, if his senses returned to normal. He just nodded enthusiastically and promised himself to ask for forgiveness for lying to his best friend at confession, if you'd consider this lying.

One thought led to another and he realized he hadn't been to Church in a while. It was Friday, almost Sunday. He could go to Mass and maybe bring Foggy or Karen, if either one of them were up for it. He usually kept his religion to himself but he was feeling extraordinarily lucky to have such great friends around him and he wanted to invite them to possibly one of the most important parts of his life.

Dinner was eaten with great joy and after that, they settled with snacks and drinks. They had the radio playing in the background, but the room was mostly filled with their conversations and laughter. Even an occasional terrible (or offensive, according to Matt) joke was made. Foggy and Karen seemed to enjoy it all just as much as Matt did. For the first time, he felt okay with what's happening. He didn't miss getting beaten up. He could ask Foggy to go to the gym with him if he wanted to punch something, but for now, this was fine. This was perfect.


	18. Chapter 18

Everyone slept peacefully, no one used the bed. Matt had insisted on Foggy and Karen to take the bed, but they'd rather stay in the living room with Matt, which he was grateful for.

Sleeping was a weird thing. Matt could see in his sleep. He doesn't know if it's the same kind of seeing as he did when he was young, but he saw something. He could still name all the colors he saw. He dreamed about Foggy, about Karen and miss Elena. He dreamed about his dad, Father Lantom and Fisk. He dreamed of all the people that meant something to him, either good or bad.

His dream described Foggy the way he describes himself. He takes Foggy's description for granted, he was more than honest when he told him what he looks like. Karen, however, hasn't completely described herself to Matt. He knows she's blonde, has long hair, is fairly skinny and, according to Foggy, has the face of an angel. That doesn't mean much to Matt, all the representations he ever saw of an angel were almost baby-like. He doesn't think Karen has a babyface.

In his dreams, he could remember his dad's face as clear as ever. His eyes looking at his nine years old self, his hair messed up because of a fight, a cut near his eye, like the one he had stitched up with the help of alcohol.

This dream was different than what he was used to after all these years of sensory overload. It was peaceful and quiet. His dad looked messed up, but he was happy. They were having dinner with Foggy and Karen. They took a stroll afterwards and bumped into Father Lantom on the streets and Matt stayed behind, talking to him. Confessing.

"I am finished, Father." He spoke quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear what he has just said.

"You are not finished, Matthew. The city is burning."

And that's when it all came back. The fire around Matt started burning again, the temperature rising up, he could almost feel the burn. He lost his vision again and only the fire remained. This wasn't the fire that helped guide him, not his radar sense. This was actual fire. The city was burning and Matt was in the middle of it, unable to act and help those in need. He was stuck among the flames which in no way at all helped him. He felt like he was suffocating.

And then he woke up, in a world where there was nothing to see, not much to hear, except for his own lungs inflating and deflating as he couldn't catch his breath. He didn't feel or hear anything around him, he was isolated in his own body with nothing but panic.

He tried to slow his breathing, counting in his head, slowly trying to take whatever air he could get into his lungs. His body started to hurt, there wasn't much he felt. It was only the pain that washed over him. Pins and needles, over his entire body. He felt like he died and they just shocked him back to life and this was all he could feel. It got worse on his back. He was touching something, his back was touching something.

He sat up, no longer feeling the intense pain on his back. He still wasn't breathing properly and he started to feel light in his head. He wasn't registering any of the sounds around him and he didn't have much of a feeling on his skin, except for when a hand caught his head before he dropped to the floor. Matt reminded himself to thank the person who stopped him from getting his head cracked open as soon as he got the chance.


	19. Chapter 19

He doesn't know when exactly, but he had lost consciousness. When he woke up again, everything was so soft. Everything was dull and warm. He felt a hand in his own and he squeezed it. Not a complete reaction, but the hand squeezed back. He tried to remember what happened but all he could recall was pain and heavy breathing. Maybe that's exactly what happened.

He wanted to speak, he needed to say something but he couldn't find the strength to do so. He moved his hand to his face very slowly, it all took so much effort. It all hurt so much.

When his hand finally found his face, it touched a tube. It was so uncomfortable. The wiggle he gave it hurt him inside and that's when he realized the tube did go inside him. Was he in a hospital? He didn't want to be in a hospital,he hated hospitals. Foggy knew that. Was Foggy with him? He didn't hear him. It wasn't until a few moments later that he realized that his worst fear had become reality. He didn't hear anything, or register anything, because he was unable to. He was deaf.

He started to panic, his lungs tried to fill themselves with more than enough air but the machine pushing air through the tube inside him protested and he couldn't fight it, the machine dictated his breathing. He wanted it out. He started pulling the tube, hoping he wouldn't do too much damage. Not that it mattered now. All that mattered was that he needed air.

There were hands on him, trying to push him down, to calm him. He was sure they were talking, giving him reassuring words. But that didn't matter, he couldn't hear them anyways. The tube was out, he took his first own breath and it resulted in a cough. He felt something coming up with the cough, he smelled it, too. It was blood. He was able to stop coughing, but that didn't make it any more comfortable. He felt a hand on his back, moving in circles. This was the most relaxing thing he has ever felt. He made a motion with his hand, a writing motion. He hasn't written anything in months, if not years. But he doesn't think anyone thought of bringing his braille reader or at least a laptop.

Someone pushed a notepad into his hand and a pen followed after. He had to think about what to ask, how to form the letters. He used his right hand for writing, felt the notepad and decided that it was only big enough for small words.

 _HOSPITAL?_

He waited and waited for an answer. When it didn't come, he realized they might be talking to him. Did they know he doesn't hear anything? They might be asking him things, trying to find out. He felt someone's hand patting his shoulder, as if they want to leave. He holds out a hand and someone grabs it, he feels the hand, he wants to know who's there. He feels a scar on the tip of the ring finger, it was Foggy's hand.

"F'gy," was all he could manage. It felt rough, it hurt a little. He freed his hand and pointed to Foggy before making a writing gesture.

 _You write_

And he did. He took the notepad, left deep impressions as he wrote, not knowing how much Matt could pick up.

 _CAN YOU HEAR_

"No" he wanted to know if it sounded okay, if he was talking loud. It felt like he was screaming because his throat felt like it had been burned. "Ask doctor if perm'nent"

Foggy took some time to answer, Matt knew that he was talking to the doctor. They probably stepped out of the room, which felt like extra effort now that he couldn't hear it anyways.

It wasn't until it was too loud to bear that he realized he heard _something_. It was incredibly painful, incredibly loud, unbearable. It hurt so much, he needed to listen to something else, but he couldn't find it. If he could see something, right now, it would all turn to black. He felt dizzy and he couldn't keep his balance. He grabbed the bed railings, he needed to steady himself. His grip loosened, it all disappeared from his hands and he lost consciousness once again.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN:** **Longer chapter! Yay! Honestly, I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that this now has 20 chapters. As a thank you for all your reviews and follows, I'd like to announce that I will be making a second version of this fic with an alternative ending. Don't know if I will be writing simultaneously with this one of if I'll wait until this one is finished, but I don't really see this one ending yet so it might take a while. But don't go anywhere, I promise you it is coming. Don't be too shy to leave a review and tell me what you think of this idea! :)**

Matt knew, from the moment he woke up, that he was high on some kind of drug that made sure he didn't feel much. Apart from helping him bear through this awful pain, it also numbed whatever he had left of his hearing.

"Matt? Matt? Matty?" He heard Foggy's voice. He felt funny, he doesn't exactly know why he started crying instead of just answering. He thinks he smelled Karen, too. They were both here for him. He wished they didn't have to see him like this but it was nearly inevitable.

He was thankful for the painkillers but also cursed upon the thought of them. Everything was so muffled, as though he was underwater. He forced a smile and croaked a soft "f'gy" again, like he had when he couldn't hear himself.

A hand patted his shoulder, followed by a shaky voice. "Good to have you back, Matty."

"You did kind of scare us there!" Karen sounded so happy. Was Karen enjoying this? Or was this the voice she had when she was relieved? It sounded weird. Everything did.

"Foggy is getting the doctor over here so he can talk you through what happened and what the options are."

Options? What kind of options? He thought options were for when one couldn't go back to how it was before. That would imply that this were permanent. He doesn't think he can have permanent. He needed good news but before he could even think about what would happen next, he heard the door shut and Foggy returned to his bedside.

"So, Matthew, enjoyed your nap? My name is doctor Jameson. I've been walking in and out of the room here, trying to get a hold of you, but you kept wandering off to dreamland."

Matt hated him already. He wanted to yell, tell him all he could do but he settled for easier words.

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm a little kid. I've been in hospital before. I've seen more than you could imagine. Just tell me what's happening and I'll deal with it."

With that, the room fell silent. For a good minute or two, the four of them were just there, clenching their jaws, cursing the situation and wishing this would all be over soon so Matt would never have to see this doctor again and so that this Jameson never had to encounter Matt again.

After a while, the doctor decided he needed to just be with his friends and that he will return later.

"Karen?" Matt asked with a shaky voice, "I like your perfume."

Karen let out a laugh and tried to keep it together as it nearly made her cry, how one of her best friends is in the hospital, which could have ended way worse, decided it was time to give her a compliment.

"Thanks, Matt. I like your hair." She decided he needed a laugh as well.

The three of them were talking and laughing for a good 10 minutes until Matt got really tired again, claiming he was beginning to see things due to the drugs. His friends weren't planning on leaving him, though, so they kept talking.

"What do you see, buddy?" Foggy wanted to know so bad. What did a blind guy dream of? How much of seeing does he remember?

Matt didn't answer right away, his eyes were wandering around, looking oddly focussed, keeping them steady on certain objects as if he was actually looking at them. It freaked Foggy out a little bit, he had never seen them so… not blank. He wasn't going to let Matt know, though. The last thing he wanted was for Matt to feel uncomfortable.

"Foggy I see the living room at my dad's place." Matt decided it was a good idea to explore. "I see the TV and the couch and if I turn around there will be a kitchen with a dining table and Foggy? Foggy, do you remember that I had my first drink while stitching my dad's cut above his eye?"

Foggy nods, a gesture unseen by Matt. But he saw much more.

"That was at the dining table in the kitchen, I had my first drink there."

No one noticed the nurse come in, but she was there. Foggy knew that this was Claire, he had met her after Matt fought Nobu. Karen didn't know, though. He had no interest in explaining her the whole Daredevil thing right now and hinted for Claire to keep her mouth shut to Karen.

"I think he might be… dreaming? He's seeing things, he claims. He's not really responding or anything but I think he's sleeping with his eyes open. Do blind people see in their dreams?" Karen tried to not show how weird this all was to her.

Claire took some time to respond, she actually wanted to run away before Matt 'woke up', she couldn't stand seeing him like this. But she thought that might be selfish, so she stayed and tried to look as professional as she can be at the moment.

"Yeah, if they have not always been blind, they can see what they saw before going blind when they're dreaming. I'm not sure if that's what this is, though. Seems pretty awake to me. Might be a little loopy from the drugs that were given to him to calm him down. I'll come back later once he's more lucid."

Before she could leave, Foggy stood up and grabbed her wrist. He made sure to whisper soft enough so that no one else could hear him.

"Please, if you know what happened to Matt, you have to tell me." He looked as sad as a beaten up puppy, Claire couldn't believe what Matt made his friends go through. She knew it wasn't Matt's fault, but she couldn't help but think about how his friends were here, left completely in the dark about what might be happening. She wanted to help them, but she had no idea what happened.

"Honestly," Claire started, "I don't even know what's going on right now. The other day, when I took him to buy new sunglasses, he was doing fine. He wasn't himself but he was functioning. This is not how Matt is. I don't know what's happening. I'll talk to doctor Jameson about it but I doubt that he's going to tell me anything you don't already know."

Foggy let go. Claire started walking faster and Foggy decided that she needs some time to process and that Foggy should be at Matt's bed.


	21. Chapter 21

A few hours passed. Matt fell asleep again, woke up, fell asleep, woke up and repeated this a couple of times until he started to actually _be_ awake. Everyone in the room noticed right away when he opened his eyes. They talked to him, they had the tv on, the door was open and people were walking by, quite loudly. Matt didn't seem to care. He he faced the person who was talking to him, but he didn't hear it. Whatever was going on, it was taking most of his hearing and no one knew if his other senses were affected as well.

"Mr. Murdock? How well can you hear me?" Jameson asked.

"I can't hear," he simply replied. "I hear you but I don't know what you're saying."

He didn't sound panicked, which made Foggy nervous. He wants to talk to Matt. He missed his friend, this wasn't fair.

"Nurse, do we own a braille reader?" Jameson needed to tell Matt what he knew so far. While the nurse was away, finding the braille reader they should have in a storage room, Foggy took his time to gather his thoughts and keep a hand on Matt's shoulder. Matt didn't seem scared, which was the scariest part to Foggy.

Karen was mostly there to keep Foggy company. Foggy was there for Matt all the time and honestly, it was like watching a married couple. Matt and Foggy had been so… together, for the past couple of weeks. It was almost as if they actually got married. Karen knew that it wasn't that, though. She knew that Matt meant everything to Foggy, it was his best friend and they have gone through so much together. If something were to actually happen with Matt, if this was permanent, they'd figure out a way to deal with it but that doesn't mean that he can't be sad right now.

The nurse returned and told them that it was broken, that they could order a new one but it would take days to arrive. Karen offered to go to Matt's apartment and bring his laptop and screen reader. Foggy had to think for a moment, what did Matt's apartment look like at the moment? Was the suit locked away somewhere? Was the furniture okay? He decided that he thinks the apartment looks reasonable and he let Karen go with Foggy's key to Matt's apartment.

While Karen was gone, Foggy didn't leave Matt's side. They reduced the dose of whatever painkilling drug he was on on Foggy's request because he knew Matt wouldn't want it. He was already numbed and he would need whatever sense he has left to just be.

Matt didn't seem to feel any panic or discomfort. He was just half-sitting on the bed, squeezing Foggy's hand a little. His breathing was steady. It scared Foggy a little, how calm Matt was. They had gone to hospitals before, it drove Matt insane. Foggy didn't know about his heightened senses back then so he thought he was just having a hard time emotionally, since Matt told him he hadn't been at a hospital since the accident. Now that Foggy actually knew how much Matt could sense, he understood that this place would overwhelm him. But not today. Today, he was calm and breathing and he seemed to be more support to Foggy than Foggy was to Matt, as he was the one who was kind of nervous.

Karen returned with the braille reader and Matt's laptop. Foggy turned it on, being the only one knowing Matt's password and also being the one who installed the braille reader when Matt first got it. He placed the reader on Matt's lap which startled Matt a little. No one commented on it.

They called in Jameson, they let him type.

 **Hello mr. Murdock, this is dr. Jameson.**

Matt didn't respond, he just read the line very slowly. It took him a second try to understand and then nodded.

 **We have examined your ears, there seems to be nothing wrong. You either know very well how to mask a concussion or it is something psychological.**

They wait for him to respond. By the time he's reached the end of the message, he frowns a little. He doesn't say anything but clearly doesn't agree with "something psychological".

 **You seem to be responding well to the drugs. We lowered your dose on mr. Nelson's request and you will be completely off the drugs by tomorrow morning.**

He smiles a little at that. Good, Foggy thinks. He now knows he did the right thing.

 **We will give you three options. We strongly advise you not to go home alone tomorrow, so we're gonna have to ask you to either stay at the hospital, go home with one of your friends or let someone go home with you. That someone can either be a private nurse or ms Page or mr Nelson or anyone else you trust and is willing to come with you.**

 _I don't have money for a private nurse_ , he thinks. _I don't have money for a longer hospital stay,_ he thinks. _I don't want to be taken care of._

He wants to say that he's going to be fine on his own, in his own apartment, but he doesn't think that that's true. He doesn't want to go back to his own apartment, where there is nothing for him to do and no one around. The memories he has of his apartment aren't good and they won't help him recover. They set him off. He knows that.

As much as he loves Karen, he won't let her take care of him. He would feel like he's obligating her to do so. He knows she'll do it because she loves him, but he doesn't want it. He knows he'll feel guilty.

With Foggy knowing about his senses and having lived together in college, he knows he'll be in good hands. He won't treat him like an invalid and he'll be there when Matt needs him.

 **I'll give you some time to think about it.**

Matt nods. He just wants to go back to sleep. He appreciates the effort they have gone through to communicate with him, but he's tired.

A couple of hours have passed. They have taken him off the drugs completely and he's starting to notice. Karen has gone home, it's night, he thinks. Foggy is still here even though visiting hours are already over.

Foggy notices the drugs wearing off as well. Matt is now circling his index finger over his thumb, creating an imaginary "8" over and over. His breathing is a bit faster and he's wide awake.

Foggy puts the braille reader on Matt's lap and Matt already starts to feel for words. He wants/needs something to do.

 **I can go home with you if you let me.**

Matt feels some slight joy inside him and smiles at Foggy, then realizes that he offered to go to _Matt's_ apartment and his smile fades.

"I don't want to go home," is all he gets out before choking on his breath.

 **You don't want to leave the hospital?**

This must be way too surprising for Foggy. Matt finishes his unfinished sentence.

"I don't want to go to my home. Can we go to your place? If you'll have me."

It takes Foggy about .3 seconds before he answers. He types fast.

 **Of course! I'll send Karen over to clean up before we leave. It's gonna be** _ **just like college!**_

Matt laughs at that. They have pointless conversations for a while, ignoring the obvious situation and Foggy doesn't ask questions about why he doesn't want to go home. Matt falls asleep after a while. Foggy does the same in the chair next to Matt's bed.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Very short chapter, just to let you know I'm not abandoning this fic. :)**

The ride to Foggy's apartment isn't all that exciting. Matt is still unresponsive to sound and he obviously doesn't enjoy the ride, but he doesn't complain either. When they arrive, the cabbie opens the door for Matt and helps Foggy with Matt's stuff. He tips him generously.

Matt's entire body is tense, his face is full of worry, but he knows he's in the right hands. As Foggy leads him into the apartment, he seems to ease up as soon as the familiar smell of Foggy reaches his nose. He even smiles a little.

They sit on the couch for a while before Foggy hands him his braille reader.

 **You tell me as soon as you get any hearing back?**

"Of course," Matt states as if it offends him. "Like I could keep that to myself," He adds.

 **Do you want food?**

Matt shakes his head, not even able to think about food right now. He feels the nausea rising up already as soon as Foggy mentions it.

 **Anything else?**

"No, I'm good, Foggy." He tries so hard to think of something he can say to ease the conversation, but he can't. He doesn't know what to do or what to talk about. He only knows he doesn't want to be talking about himself and that this way of talking is a burden to Foggy.

 **I'm here for you, buddy**

Matt must have fallen asleep suddenly, because he doesn't remember. He remembers Foggy and the braille reader and what Foggy said to ease his mind. He remembers not hearing and suddenly he sits up, straining to hear something. And he does. And he smells something. He hears bacon in a pan, which is also what he smells.

"Are you cooking breakfast?" He asks, surprised to hear his own voice. It's raspier than it has ever been and his throat still hurts, but not as much as yesterday.

He hears someone rushing towards him and he immediately holds his arms up like an impulsive defensive reaction. He then realizes the person is rushing towards the laptop and braille reader.

"No, no! Don't use the braille reader. I can hear, I think."

"You think?" It's Karen, which he would have known by her quick, light footsteps if he wasn't too busy smelling the food from the kitchen. "That doesn't sound promising,"

Matt chuckles at that.

"No, but at least it sounds like something. I hear you, Karen."

Karen then makes a noise Matt can't identify until she clarifies. "That's awesome! Matt, I'm so glad! And yes, it is breakfast. It is eggs and bacon and whatever I could find. Did you know Foggy doesn't keep much food?!"

"Doesn't sound like the Foggy I knew in college, to be honest. Where is Foggy?"

"Office. Apparently some sudden call from a client who desperately needed to meet with him or something. Maybe finally a change in financial status," Karen jokes, but it would be great. They've been doing a lot of pro bono cases of which Matt was sure they were innocent but now that he couldn't tell anymore, they would need every bit of money they could get, since they lived off of gifts from the pro bono clients they'd won a case for.


	23. Chapter 23

The day wasn't very eventful. Karen and Matt had the radio on and Karen was snooping around Foggy's apartment. She has been here before but never really got the chance to explore. Matt insisted that he would take the blame if Foggy minded, which he knew he wouldn't.

Matt was on the couch, in bed, in the kitchen to get himself a drink, anything but sleeping. He needed to stay awake, or so he told himself. He doesn't want to go to sleep hearing and wake up deaf again. He wants to know when it happens.

When Foggy returned, food in his hands, Matt actually cheered. He wasn't really hungry, he thought, until he smelled it. It was from the take out between Matt's apartment and the office and it was nearly the only take out food Matt could stand. Karen set the table and Foggy lead Matt to the dining table even though Matt insisted he could get himself there.

"The food smells good," Matt said, thanking Foggy.

"I know, it's your favorite. Thought you deserved it, until I came home to find Ms. Page snooping around without you saying something about it," Foggy was joking but sounded quite serious.

"My fault," Matt explained. "I told her to go look if you still had any of my books here,"

"Are you bored?"

"Kind of,"

Foggy took this as a hint, which it wasn't, but Matt was still grateful. Foggy hooked up the Wii and insisted on playing karaoke games after dinner. Although Matt didn't want to play because of his still burning throat, he couldn't have asked for something better to listen to. Foggy and Karen ended up singing songs from Disney classics, often changing the lyrics. Matt enjoyed it as much as they did.

When all songs had been sang and Karen had made herself comfortable on the couch, Foggy and Matt decided they would be best off sleeping in Foggy's bed. This wasn't anything new, after rooming in college together. They had often gone out and gotten so drunk to the point where they just didn't care anymore. Matt would stumble over foggy's shoes and flop down on Foggy's bed and just not get up again until the next (regretful) morning.

They were quiet for a while, just lying there as Karen fell asleep. They had agreed to keep the radio on at a low volume, as it was otherwise too quiet for Matt to sleep and he was afraid he'd lose his hearing again. That second part is what he didn't tell Foggy.

"Are you awake?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, I am. You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. What was that client about?"

Foggy didn't talk for a while. Matt poked him, knowing he would spill if he annoyed him enough.

"It was a well-paying client. She paid enough upfront to keep the firm open for a couple of months," Foggy was holding something back, Matt knew without having his super-senses to confirm.

"What's the case?"

Foggy groaned, a little bit louder than he was meant to. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"Like you could resist my very insisting puppy eyes,"

Foggy hummed a laugh and Matt joined him at that, even though his sounded a bit more like an honest giggle.

"Your eyes aren't as steadily staring as they usually are, which makes it even worse. These puppy eyes are killing me, Murdock,"

Matt closed his eyes at that and his smile faded. He hadn't been thinking about what his eyes were doing.

Foggy must have realized that it made Matt uncomfortable as he quickly apologized and didn't mean it like that. Matt knew that, but still.

"What about the case?" Matt asked again.

"It's Elektra Natchios. She did something to someone and she wants me, well, us to defend her in court."

"Oh," was all Matt could bring up. He hasn't seen Elektra in a long time and didn't want much to do with her anymore after what happened in college.

"I'm going to sleep, Matt, you should do the same," Foggy whispered and turned around.

Matt didn't fall asleep. He focussed on the radio all night, being grateful for his hearing and the people close to him, literally. He realized how lucky he was to have Foggy and Karen around.


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning, Matt woke up feeling very okay. He snapped his fingers to test his hearing. He could still here, he was grateful for that. He hears someone walking around towards the kitchen.

"Did I wake you?" Matt asks.

"Yes, Murdock. I'll have you know that sleep is very important to me and even though I know you were probably checking if you still heard something, I'll have you know that no matter what the reason, I will sue you if you ever wake me again." Foggy's sarcasm was sharper in the morning than in court, honestly.

Matt lets out a nearly-giggle-like chuckle and that gets Foggy to laugh as well.

"Why did you turn the radio off?" Matt asked kind of sadly.

"I didn't, maybe Karen did."

And that woke her. "You rang?"

"Good morning, miss Page." Foggy and Matt responded simultaneously.

Matt had lost track of time. They ate breakfast in semi-silence, with Foggy talking between bites and Karen sometimes humming in agreement. Matt didn't have much to add to the conversation but he was enjoying this as much as he could. His best friends talking like it's all okay, not pitying Matt, as far as he could tell.

Without his watch or the talking alarm, he basically relied on others to tell him the time and to be honest, he didn't even know what day it was.

"Guys, what day and time are we living in?" He tried to make it sound as funny as possible, still not interested in any of their pity.

"It is definitely Monday. 11:16AM," Karen answered.

Matt took a while to consider. They had missed Sunday Mass, which he never misses if he's able enough to go. He's sure Father Lantom would have them any time and day, considering the state Matt's in now.

"Is there something you want to do?" Foggy asked. "We don't have any clients except for Elektra and she said it could wait until you're good as new, so the office doesn't have to open today."

"I, um. I would like to go to church." Matt answers, as serious as he's ever been.

"Yeah, okay, do you want us to walk you there?" Karen seemed excited about the suggestion of something normal for Matt to do.

"No, well, yes. If you want, you can come with me. Inside, I mean."

The conversation took a somewhat awkward turn but that didn't stop Foggy and Karen from basically dancing due to excitement.

"Yeah! We'd love to!" Foggy seemed a bit _too_ happy about it. "You've never invited us to church with you, I'd like to see why my buddy gets up on Sunday mornings."


	25. Chapter 25

They walked to church at a random time, hoping Father Lantom didn't have an awful lot going on today. Matt kept suggesting other things to do, unsure if he didn't want to go or just wanting to be sure that his friends actually want to go. Of course he wanted to go to church, that wasn't what he was uncertain about. He just hasn't gone to church with anyone else. There was Mass, with loads of people. There was usually someone in the church when he got there, but he had not actively invited someone to go with him since his dad.

He loved church. He had gone to church for as long as he could remember and he appreciated all of it. He's been going to church not only for Mass or to confess, he's also been going to church to find comfort in Father Lantom's somewhat blunt words. He didn't treat Matt as if he should be careful with him. He knew what Matt was capable of and even before he knew, he never danced around any subjects. Father Lantom guided Matt's thoughts through a trail he had already laid out himself, Father just gave Matt the little pushes he needed every once in a while.

Once they had arrived at the church, Matt relaxed like he did when he got home. This convinced Foggy and Karen that this was a good idea. Matt's shoulders relaxed and he walked confidently, even more so than he did in his own apartment. Before he could walk much further inside, Father Lantom stopped him.

"Matthew, I hear you've been busy," he said calmly.

"I have, Father." He turned around, somewhat facing Foggy and Karen. "These are my friends and associates, Foggy Nelson and Karen Page."

"I remember them, you're lucky to have them. They're lucky to have you."

This made the trio smile. Foggy and Karen stood near the entrance, they seemed careful not to poke too much into Matt's territory. When Matt flashed his goofy smile towards them, Foggy took it as a sign of acceptance and started walking towards Matt. Karen followed him, admiring everything there was to see in this church.

Matt adjusted the glasses sitting on his nose, pushed them up a little. "I hope you're not too busy, I was thinking we could use some coffee."

"For you, Matthew, my schedule is always clear."

They drank their coffee mostly in silence. Foggy told Father Lantom his "butcher-story", as he tells it to every other person he has ever met. Karen was a little more quiet, not knowing what to talk about, not feeling it maybe. Matt didn't know what was up with her, but he didn't want to push her so he would have to ask later.

Matt talked very little. He mainly enjoyed his friends getting along with Father Lantom, somehow feeling like a proud kid introducing his friends to each other, giving them an instant-friendship thing.

When their coffee was gone, Foggy and Karen waited outside to give Matt and Father Lantom some privacy. Father Lantom spoke high of Matt's friends. He told Matt to care for them and to hold them close. He saw they made him happy.

Matt expressed his gratefulness. He talked about his feeling of selfishness, when he thought about how unhappy he felt when his world on fire was gone. How useless he felt.

Father Lantom convinced him he was feeling bad about not being able to help others like he used to. He wasn't being selfish, he was selfless.

Matt took this to heart and left church feeling content, telling Father Lantom he will see him on Sunday.


	26. Chapter 26

Tuesday came soon after. Monday was good enough for time to pass fast. Karen had given Matt a new watch, which he thanked her for with many hugs and "Thank you"s. Karen hugged him back as hard as she could every time, very satisfied with Matt's reaction.

Now that Matt had a watch, though, he couldn't stop checking the time. So he checked and checked and time began to slow down again. Not knowing the time made everything go faster, so it seemed. He needed something to do to kill the time and Foggy just seemed to have solutions to every problem.

"Let's teach you how to ride a bike," He had proposed.

"What? Foggy, no. That's a terrible idea!" Matt yelled back, too excited to hide his smile.

And so they went to the park, Matt holding Karen's elbow and Foggy already there, waiting for them, already riding the bicycle in circles.

"Oh, my God. Foggy's doing it, he's riding a bike," Karen told Matt. "He's going in circles. Now he's going in a straight line, right at us. Oh, he just let go. He's riding without hands. Oh m-" Karen couldn't finish her sentence. Matt was pushed to the side by Karen, which was a good call. Foggy had lost control, even though he seemed like he could go around the world with that bicycle just a few seconds ago. Foggy impressively jumped off the bike and landed on his butt, somehow. Karen laughed hysterically at his fall, tears in her eyes. Despite being totally lost right now, Matt smiled to himself, imagining what his friend would look like, sitting on his ass in the grass with the bike next to him.

His smile faded as a ball hit the back of his head, causing him to drop his cane. The glasses got shoved forward, but they didn't fall. The world went quiet around him. He held back his tears as he thought he had lost his hearing again. He let the tears roll when he realized the world went quiet because everyone was shocked that someone had hit the blind guy. His friends came rushing towards him, handing him his cane, holding him, guiding him to a bench, letting him fall and sitting next to him as he gathered his sanity again.

The one that had kicked the ball had come toward them after a minute or two, standing awkwardly in front of the group of friends. Matt took off his glasses, not knowing that the boy was standing in front of them. He only realized they were being watched as he heard the boy gasp, obviously not knowing what to say or do to make it better. Foggy gets up to scold him, but Karen pauses him.

"I don't think that's what either of them need right now. It was just an accident, right? MAtt, no hard feelings right?" Karen asks.

Matt only manages to shake his head a little and the kid runs off, leaving them to it. Foggy and Karen are both quiet while Matt clears his throat. He wants to ask them if he's gone, so that they can move on, but maybe others are watching as well. He decides silence is best right now.

A slight headache starts to creep up on Matt, just when he thought he was feeling better. He'd like to go to the office, return everything to normal, even though he knows he can't. They sit there for a moment, neither of them saying a word about all that's happening. Silence is something that's suddenly a good thing among them. Not one of them ates the silence, they all seem okay with it. Although Matt still hates how quiet his world is right now, he doesn't seem to be bothered by the silence among the three when he knows they're still there.

He feels almost obligated to fill it after a while, but luckily, Foggy is always the first one to crack.

"Want to go back to my apartment? I think I wrecked the bike anyways, you know." This did get Matt to let out an almost silent chuckle. Karen and Foggy smile to each other, obviously noticing his chuckle.

They all stood up simultaneously, looking like the ultimate squad goal for one second, before Matt reached out to put his hand onto Foggy's elbow and missed, causing himself to laugh at how stupid he must look, petting the air in front of him. This would be the cue for Foggy and Karen to laugh as well, and they do.

All they did for the rest of the day was cuddle on the couch and trying to keep Matt's headache down.


	27. Chapter 27

A couple of days had passed and Matt decided that now would be as good as ever to get back to the office and start working on what he can. Foggy had called Elektra and told her to come by, she agreed. Not because she thought Matt was back to normal, but because she wanted to see him. They may not be together, but she did care.

When Elektra arrived, Karen made a fuss about introducing herself. She offered her coffee, tea, whatever she could find. Matt didn't step out of his closed office to greet her. He stayed at his desk, waiting for someone to confirm that it was her. Elektra took the liberty of going in herself. She knocked and soon came a reply, he was probably just waiting.

"Come in?"

"Matthew, hi." Elektra seemed hesitant. "How are you?"

Matt didn't reply immediately. He cocked his head, debating about what to say next. "I'm alright. We're not here to discuss my well being, we're here because you seem to have a case for us, right?"

Elektra seemed taken aback, almost shocked. She didn't see this one coming. Matt had always been open to her, she expected an honest 'could be better' at least, but he chose his formal vocabulary to reply with.

"Yeah, right," and at that moment, Foggy stepped in with a couple of fold up chairs.

"Let's move it to the desk then, shall we?"

Matt didn't get up. Guess it was planned to have Matt sitting at the desk they were going to use for conferences. It felt weird to Elektra to not see Matt have everything under control. Even more weird than in the first days of knowing him, in which he pretended to be the helpless blind man. Even then, keeping his pretend fairly high, he seemed to be more in control. Now, he actually did seem helpless.

"What are you here for, Elektra?" She heard Matt say, suddenly.

"What do you mean, Matthew?" This made Matt cringe slightly. He knew she'd always call him Matthew, but it reminded him of a time in which he was the most free version of him, in which he only had to worry about the rare moments in which Elektra and Matt were in the open, where he did keep up a slight pretense of helplessness

"You have a case for us, don't you?" Foggy chimed in.

"Oh, I do, I think it might be best to wait a while until everyone is… Well rested and as good as can be, maybe." She danced around her words, trying to make it clear what she meant without being too direct.

Matt tensed his jaw, obviously impatient. "Then we might as well start now."

This was enough for Elektra to realize he had given up on getting back to where he was before this all happened to him.


	28. Chapter 28

The first moment they're alone, Elektra takes the opportunity.

"How are you?" 

Matt hesitates, but settles on 'I'm fine'.

"I've heard something else, Matthew. Hell's Kitchen hasn't seen Daredevil in a while."

Matt chuckles, "Neither have I. Stay out of it. I'm here to help you win this case, nothing else. We're not friends, we're in a professional lawyer/client relationship right now, nothing else. You don't get to hear the insight of my well being."

Foggy clears his throat. Sh*t. They weren't alone after all. He has to learn to pay more attention to his surroundings.

"You okay buddy? Elektra left mid-rant, I think. If you wanna stay out of this case, just say so, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

"Your definition of fine is so not what it actually means. Wanna grab some lunch?"

Matt doubted lunch would help. He also doubted Foggy would let go of this. Maybe he should go, but he doesn't want to. If Foggy as good of a friend as Matt believes he is, he'll let him stay at the office.

"No," Matt decides. "I've got a little bit of a headache and some paperwork I wanna go through. Both nothing major, I'd rather just stay in right now."

The headaches aren't as intense as the migraines he got when his senses were heightened. They're more dull and annoying, consistent now. He'd trade it for the migraines any day. At least he could deal with those.

Foggy let him stay but moved his own laptop to Matt's desk. He stayed quiet with the occasional sound of a mouse scrolling and a keyboard being used. Matt filled it with his own occasional click of a brailler.

Karen would sometimes come in, asking if they needed anything. They didn't. She'd still offer coffee and both of them would accept. Karen eventually went to her own home. Matt joined Foggy at his and gratefully took the couch, flopping down without getting up again until the next morning.

When he woke, he again, smelled something cooking. Some music he didn't know what playing and there was a smell he didn't recognize immediately. He took this moment, before he opened his eyes, to assess what he could identify right now. It wasn't super, but he paid attention to his senses. He understood what was going on. Then the moment was broken by a surprisingly cold hand on his shoulder.

"Hi, Claire."

"How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," They both knew this wasn't exactly true. He smelled the hospital and honestly, if it were anyone else, Foggy would have woken him first and then, still, they would warn him before laying a hand on his shoulder, first.

"As if. You're no superhero, Murdock. You're human. A human who used to sense the world in a way no one but you could understand, but we do know that whatever it is you're sensing now, it must feel like you did lose another sense."

Well, she wasn't wrong.

"If there is anything we can do, anything we can say, anything that would make life easier for you, please. Reach out, talk to us."

Matt understood that she was trying to be kind. She was trying to try to picture what it would be like for Matt and to understand what he's going through, but no one could.

"I'm okay. I'm tired, I need to pay more attention. I need to learn to deal. I took it for granted and now it's gone. I have to get used to it," He spoke honestly.

"That's fine. We all take our norm for granted. If I would lose my sight right now, my world as I knew it would collapse and I'd probably take it way harder than how you're taking this right now,"

She knew what she was talking about, it seemed. She knew what to say. She may not have a moment ago, but right now she seems to know. She said the right thing. Matt knew he had people he could rely on.


End file.
